42 things i learned from my dad

how to eat a meal: “a bite of meat, a bite of potatoes, a bite of vegetable.”

courtesy K. Jehriohow to eat ice cream: “turn and lick. turn and lick.”

essential foot hygiene: “dry between your toes.”

why not take a bath: “you’re sitting in your own ick.”

how to sleep: “think of bunnies going lippity lippity lip.”

turkey choices: “white meat, dark meat, or both meat?”

cure for upset stomach: “nibble a cracker.”

messy hair scold: “you look like you’re wearing a fright wig.”

elocution lesson: “speak in pear-shaped tones.”

what to blow your nose into: “kleenecies.”

what is left when you wad up your kleenecies: “nurdles” as in “throw out your nurdles!”

what to, er, use for proper toileting: “bum wad” or simply “wad.”

how to describe rock and roll: “booma booma music.”

better name for a magnifying glass: “sherlock holmes device.”

what happens if you drink too much: “gin fits.”

how to describe a gross thing: “squamosal.”

how to answer ‘what are you doing?’:  “mildewing.”

how to call people to the phone: “you’re wanted on the ameche.”

answer to ‘can I ask you something?’ or upon answering a wrong number: “it’s your nickle!”

how to react to a child spotting a tarantula: “it’s just a little garden spider.”

how to describe something good: “it’s a thing of joy and beauty.”

choosing white or wheat: “do you want good bread or bad bread?”

what to call a certain green veg: “cabbabage”

how to say whatever this actually means: “ham gravy ain’t wavy.”

what to say to calm someone down: “eetsy! eetsy!”

how to scare cats or children from the back yard: “hoy! hoy! hoy!”

how to be nice: “don’t make mock.”

how to answer a phone: just say your name, as in “bob enger!”

what to wear on your feet: “shoon.”

cute way to refer to garbage: “derbis.”

where to put recyclables: “in the can can.”

what to call that hair on your upper lip: “mushtache.”

when somethings not a big deal: “it mattereth not.”

what to protect your house from: “burgyulars.”

the opposite of warmth is: “coolth.”

what to call those 1960s long-hairs: “hippie creeps.”

what hippie creeps wear on the beach: “Jesus shoes.”

warning for hikers: “don’t step in the wahoo.”

polite way to tell someone they are wrong: “you have a notion.”

when someone doesn’t like something you love, say: “you don’t know what’s good.”

when someone does something pleasing you give them: “a head pat of approbation.”

and finally (for now)…

what to say when someone is being an ass: “why be difficult when with a little more effort you can be impossible.”


What did you learn from your dad? Share in comments below.